NFL Week 1 Over-Reactions, plus the Met Gala!
Couture, the Mannings and LOTS of Week 1 surprises
I, sadly, did not spend much time watching football on Sunday - I was stuck at the airport for nearly five hours, which butted into the 1pm slate of games. I could’ve gone to the airport bars to catch it, but then I’d lose my spot at the phone charging station near my gate. But Hannah, you may ask, you could’ve watched the games on your phone or iPad! You’re right, I absolutely could have - I was finishing my last Substack entry on my iPad and didn’t want to watch the games on my little phone screen.
HOWEVER. I did see lots of football when I got home and I had the pleasure of watching Eli and Peyton Manning last night on ESPN’s alternate Monday Night Football broadcast. And because I also gobbled up highlights, stats and stories from the first week of NFL action, I can feel confident in giving my Week 1 over-reactions. There is no finer tradition in sports media than completely over-reacting to the first few games of any sports season, and the NFL over-reactions are generally the most hilarious. Over-reactions are literally just ways to get a sound bite trending on Twitter, so always take them with a massive grain of salt. So, without further ado, please enjoy my over-reactions that are 100% ridiculous and 100% not my actual opinion.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES ARE THE 2021-2022 SUPER BOWL FAVORITES
Look, the Eagles had a GREAT game against a pretty bad team. Absolutely no one expects the Atlanta Falcons to be a good team. Literally no one. So was I surprised when the Eagles won? I was not. Was I surprised they whooped ass? Yes, yes I was. When I landed in Newark, my dad’s texts hit my phone first and he was beyond excited about the Eagles. Like, absolutely ecstatic. And I can’t blame him! They played a great game! Jalen Hurts looked great and his stats were terrific, and the rest of the team played well, too. But before I get too excited about my dad’s adopted team, I need to see how they play against a team that does not suck eggs.
AARON RODGERS WILL BE OUT OF GREEN BAY AND BECOME THE NEW JEOPARDY HOST BY WEEK 8
Y’all, there’s no way around it - Green Bay played like dog poop on Sunday. The Saints are a very good team, but Green Bay is supposed to be a very good team, too. Losing 38-3 is an atrocity, even in a Week 1 game. The Saints have been displaced because of Hurricane Ida and played in Jacksonville this week instead of New Orleans, so if anyone had an excuse to maybe mail in a game, it was the Saints. Instead, they responded to the adversity by having a great game and giving their fans some hope in a post-Drew Brees era. The Packers, dealing with Rodgers drama all off-season, did not respond similarly to the Saints - they opted to barf on their own shoes instead. Rodgers threw for 133 yards and threw 2 interceptions. That is…not good. Is it because he didn’t play in the pre-season games, or is it because he gives zero F’s? Tbh, could be both.
PEYTON AND ELI MANNING WILL TAKE OVER AS MNF HOSTS
Ok, of allllll the overreactions, this one is perhaps plausible. If you did not watch the alternate MNF broadcast on ESPN 2, you missed out on some gems. Peyton and Eli are a delight and I really enjoyed their banter, their guests and the sometimes intense X’s and O’s talk. Was the broadcast fluid? Not at all, it was a hot mess at times, but it’s also their first broadcast so it’s expected. I loved hearing them chat with Russell Wilson in the 4th quarter and I loved hearing them give Travis Kelsey flack for not knowing what team he plays next week. There were some weird moments and some parts that didn’t work, but I am really looking forward to seeing how this evolves.
THE JETS WILL GO 0-17
It would be remarkable if the Jets won more than, like, 3 games. I saw parts of their game against the Panthers and BOY HOWDY it was quite uninspiring. We all knew going into the season that the Jets would be jockeying for the number one overall pick in the 2022 Draft, and they showed us why on Sunday. To be fair, they knew going into the season it was going to be a building year, so expectations are quite low moving forward. I’m sorry Jets fans, this year will probably be extra awful.
Okay, so the Met Gala returned last night, the first in a two-part fashion exhibition housed at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC. Y’all. I can’t even breathe. I love fashion so much and not having the Met Gala last year was terrible. To make up for not having the gala last year, they are doing a two-part event and the first evening was last night. The second evening will be in May 2022. The theme this year was “In America: A Lexicon of Fashion”, and predictably, very few of the celebs there adhered to the theme or chose to have a very loose interpretation of the theme. But I don’t care. It was a fabulous affair and I want to show you folks my favorite looks of the night:
Amanda Gorman rocking a very Lady Liberty look -
Billie Eilish’s Marilyn Monroe moment -
Iman reminding all of us that she is a queen-
Lil Nas X showing up in 3 outfits (and rocking all of them) -
There were so many more, but honestly the best part of the evening was the meme of Kendall Jenner and Kim Kardashian -
Other Tidbits -
Max Scherzer is SO GOOD at baseball - Mad Max put on a clinic Sunday, notching his 3,000th career strikeout, throwing an immaculate inning and taking a perfect game into the 8th inning. I mean, this guy is so good. We see yet another former Diamondback absolutely killing it once they leave the team. We just can’t have nice things.
The Mets owned the Yankees this year - Welp, any optimism I had in the Yankees continuing an aggressive playoff push was dashed this weekend after they lost 2 of 3 to their cross-town rivals. Look, the Yankees have a cupcake schedule for the remainder of the season, so they have no excuse not to make a wild card slot. But they are streaky as hell and I don’t trust them. But so are the Mets, who are in a similar spot. Both NY teams are vying for a wild card slot and greatly underperforming expectations.
RIP Norm MacDonald - After a private nine-year battle with cancer, Norm MacDonald passed away today. Guys, I am crying. I’m literally crying, trying to keep it together before my next zoom meeting at work. Norm was one of my favorite comedians and my all-time favorite SNL Weekend Update news anchor. He was sarcastic, laconic and dry, which is some of the best - and hardest - humor to pull off. He was one of the best late-night talk show guests, too.
Do yourself a favor and watch any of his comedy - both his stand up and SNL stuff. And please enjoy one of my favorite things ever, which is Norm basically reading knock-knock jokes during the Bob Saget Roast.